Dear Tomby Thomas Macklin on 04/06/10
Every now and then, I like to break away from my hard-hitting blog topics and answer some readers' questions. It helps me keep a pulse on America's thoughts. It helps me "keep it real." It helps me when I run out of ideas of my own.
From today's e-mail bag, I selected some questions from email@example.com. he asks:
"What's going on with the whole Sandra Bullock/Jesse James fiasco? Do you think she's going to divorce him? Didn't you used to date her in college? What's she really like? Do you think that she'd be interested in a 52 year-old, 5'10", hirsute, blue-eyed hunk?"
My sources (I checked out the tattle-tale magazines while in line at Albertson's) tell me that she's definitely, 100% for sure, probably might separate from him. And no- I didn't date her in college. You're thinking of Jennifer Aniston.
I did have a relationship with her a couple of summers ago - until a restraining order got in the way. But, in our short time together, I found her to be very smart, witty, and capable of a mean left hook.
As to her preferences in men - What? You think I don't know what "hirsute" means? You think I don't know how to use a dictionary? You think I can't ask my daughter the definition of the word? You think I just like putting the word "think" second in every sentence? You think?
By your description, you sound less like a "hunk" and more like a "chunk."
But, judging by Jesse's picture in the magazines, you might actually have a chance. Just keep an eye out for that left hook.