This Little Piggy Should Stay Home : Riding The Riff

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If you're looking for Tom  Macklin, the musician and writer, you've come to the right place. If you're looking for the "Lawn Mower Riding Mayor of Avon Park" (yes, there is such a guy. He races riding lawn mowers. Apparently, they still don't have cable in some parts of Florida) you've got the wrong place.

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Tom Macklin
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This Little Piggy Should Stay Home

by Thomas Macklin on 04/18/10

I'm sorry ladies, but someone has to tell you. You're spending way too much time with your feet.

The fact is - feet ain't pretty.

It doesn't matter how you decorate them. All of the nail polish, toe-rings, ankle-bracelets, and tattoos put together, aren't going to change the fundamental truth that feet just aren't attractive. Sure, your ankles may be slender, and every now and then you'll find a shapely arch or two, but hey - every foot ends up with ten mal-formed toes.

Why bother with the tasteful application of facial make-up, choosing just the right flattering dress to show off your slender legs, and then end up with "Hey, did you check out my ugly toes?"

Don't take it personal. My feet are ugly, too. And in my case, there's a whole lot of hair added to ugly. The difference is, you don't see me drawing any attention to them by painting them with colors never found in nature.

And the little toe. Have you ever seen a little toe that didn't look like an afterthought?

It just goes to show you that even God has a bad day. Maybe he shouldn't have waited until the seventh day to take a rest.

In my fifty-two year walking the earth, I have only laid eyes on one set of little-piggies to die for. A once-in-a-lifetime event much like the passing of Halley's Comet. Oy-vey what a set of toes this lady had. At first, I viewed the sighting as a blessing. But, in hindsight - or footsy-sight - that day has turned out to be a curse. For it is because of the high standard set by those piglets from heaven that I judge every other set of ten.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to keep your feet covered up all of the time (although there are some of you out there that should definitely consider it.) It's okay to air-out the lower digits occasionally. A tasteful pair of sandals are even permitted from time to time. Let's just drop the bling and the neon paint.

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